Friday, June 02, 2006

havent blogged for a realli long time.. i seem to realise i can live without tellin e whole world what i've done..
but now, this desire to write down what's going on in my head is so intense tt i juz cant dismiss it..
maybe i'm just having pms, or maybe not.. maybe i'm just so agitated that i make all these typos while i type, which i normally dun.. and i'm not making any sense.. wadeva
anyway, i'm scared..
just scared..
there's been several ocassions which this fear surfaced but i din realli care.. or i chose not to care..
but not now.. see.. my father, let's just say that he's not realli a good man.. not a good husband or father at least..
20 years of my life, and he's only played none but the most minor roles in it..
i remember, as a child, i dun realli even remember him.. coz he's always not there.. since i was a child..
maybe it's his job, wadeva.. i dun give a damn.. what i've just found out is what i'm disgusted with.. my grandmother, ur mom, had a operation when i was like one years old.. it's some spinal operation, and u as the only son, weren't even there? how could u? how could u?
don't just pretend that we dunno anything about u.. maybe mom doesn't, but i do..
not that i wish to.. but i overheard it.. how i wish i din.. how i wish i could still trust u when u said anything.. but now i doubt i'll trust anything u say..
not that i've always had any faith in u anyway..
but that piece of info.. i've kept to only myself..
i heard it over ur phone, while u thought i was still sleeping..
i'm so disgusted by u..
yet i fear i'll grow into another u under the influence..
i wun let that happen..
i had a fracture and u din even bother callin to check on me..
no obligations? sure.. coz then i can do the same for u, when u fall, i'll watch with joy..
yet.. there's still this irritating voice in me tellin me no.. y? coz i'll be jus like him then? wadeva..

10:51 PM

walkingalone